Mostly True Tales

Ok, I apologize for two of these in row, but this is great, I can’t pass it up. Both of these clips come from mediaite.com. It’s a very, very interesting site that’s worth checking out.

These clips are both amazing and sad. I’ll let you decide the reasons.

Glenn Beck must be, at this point, an “enemy of the state.”

This first clip is Glenn presenting a Birthday cake to the stimulus package.

Here is the second clip, where Glenn goes barking mad. Forget about Glenn. The man is desperate and, not mad, but angry. As we all should be!

I can’t believe Obama had the audacity to even make a speech to the this effect, praising his administration and Joe Biden on their expertly handled distribution of the funds. This man is all about spin. And that spin costs money. Your money. He is a liar. It’s that simple.

That said. Lets turn to some humor. Or at least my attempt.

Note the cockroach sized scab in the center of Joe’s forehead. While watching this, I literally thought that was some sort of large bug on his forehead! At one point in the video, Barack waves his arm, and I thought he was going to brush it off! Actually the way Obama looked at Joe, I think he did too!

I presume this mark is from the accident Joe Biden’s motorcade encountered in Vancouver. How many accidents is that for you Joe? And what does is cost to transport you to the Olympics? Not to mention those Georgetown basketball games you and Barack like to attend? Watch Joe bob his head. But I digress.

Where did I put that $75 Billion?

This came to my attention as the best 15 minutes of Glenn Beck yet. As a long time fan of Glenn Beck I had to see it and after watching it, I must agree. It’s a couple weeks old. Yes it’s 15 minutes long, but absolutely hilarious and well worth the time to watch. Glenn takes apart Joe Klein point by point in his usual sarcastic and satirical manner. If you don’t find yourself laughing out loud several times, you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog.

Congressman William Lacy Clay represents Missouri’s 1st Congressional District. That’s my district. He has been a member of Congress for just over 9 years.

On November 4th 2008, I like most Americans went out to vote. Rather than risk the dreaded hanging chad, I choose to use one of Missouri’s new high tech, touch screen ballot systems. The system is easy to use and records the voters selections electronically, but also simultaneously to a tape style printout located inside the machine. Each election or issue is presented on one page at a time. After the voter makes a selection the screen moves to the next page presenting another race or piece of proposed legislation.

As I moved through the ballot making my selections, I was suddenly presented with the race for Missouri’s 1st Congressional District. I stared at the screen in disbelief. My choices were, William Lacy Clay (D), and …. nobody. There was only one choice. Clay was running unchallenged for the seat! The choices presented on the screen were, Vote (for Clay), or Next, move on to the next election.

At this point it was quite obvious to me, Mr. Clay was going to win this election, but that didn’t mean I wanted to vote for him, I pushed the Next button to move on. The machine balked.

“Warning, you did not cast a vote! Are you sure you want to skip this election?”

Yes, I was sure, I pressed the button to move on.

As I neared the end of the voting process I was presented with a screen that informed me that this was it. If I pressed the final voting button, my votes would be cast and no changes could be made. If I wanted to make some changes I should hit the back button. I selected the final voting button. Once again the machine balked.

“Warning! Your ballot is incomplete!”

The machine then returned to the screen for the 1st District election. My choice was the same as before, vote for Clay, or don’t vote. I pressed the button to move on and was forced to review all of my previous selections before finally being presented with the last screen. I pressed the button to cast my votes and was once again electronically slapped by the machine for not voting in the 1st District election.

“Are you sure?” the machine would ask.

Yes, I sure.

“Are you sure you’re sure? You won’t be able to change your mind after this point.” the machine protested.

Yes! I’m sure. I’m 100% absolutely &*!@$# sure!

Finally, it was over.

As I returned home, I began to wonder how many people had voted for Mr. Clay out of sheer frustration. I made a mental note to contact the RNC. Obviously, there will never be a Republican in Missouri’s 1st District if a Republican never runs.

I tried to put Mr. Lacy out of my mind as our Country faced bigger problems that evening. The shock of having Barack Hussein Obama as President of the United States overshadowed Missouri’s 1st District problems, and Mr. Clay was quickly forgotten. Until recently.

Back mid December, one evening my wife, Marcia, informed me that my oldest daughter, Bonnie (who is 18 now), would be going to Florida with friends for Spring Break. Marcia and several other mother’s were going along to keep them in line. This left me and my youngest daughter, Sarah, alone for the break. Marcia suggested I take her to Washington D.C. for some sight-seeing. While there, we could visit my good friend and magic mentor, Peter Monticup, who lives about an hour away in Charlottesville Virginia. Not to mention, Monticello, which is also located in Charlottesville.

I thought this sounded good and Sarah loved the idea. It looked like we were going to Washington.

I began to plan for the trip. Many of the tours in Washington require reservations and of course the White House tour is no exception. If you want to tour the White House, the Capital Building, or the Bureau of Engraving and Printing, you must have a reservation made for you via your Congressman. Enter, Mr. William Lacy Clay.

According to the White House website, reservations must be made at least 30 days in advance. No problem, I thought, I’ve got over 3 months!

I looked up the phone number for Mr. Clay’s office in Washington and dialed it. I was connected with a recording stating the office hours.

“You have reached the Congressional Office of William Lacy Clay. Our office hours are 9am to 5pm, Monday thru Friday.”

I looked at my watch, it was 2pm in Washington.

The recording continued, “Please leave a message at the tone.”

As I prepared to speak, suddenly the recording returned and said, “Unable to leave voicemail, mailbox full. Goodbye.” The line went click, and I was disconnected. Uh oh.

I then looked up Mr. Clay’s website. I clicked on the contact link. “Page not found” was the web’s reply. This was not looking good.

I returned to the home page of the poorly designed, almost illegible site and then scrolled down to the bottom. Along the bottom of the page was listed the address’s and phone numbers for all 3 of Mr. Clay’s offices. The one in Washington, and two additional offices in St. Louis. I dialed one of the St. Louis numbers and was connected with a live person. Relieved, I began to explain my request and was told I needed to fill out a form located on the website. I informed the young lady I was looking at the website at that very moment and did not see any such form. She then kindly walked me through the convoluted menus of the site and directed me to the proper form, which I would have never found on my own.

I filled out the form and waited. I’m still waiting.

I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request. I simply want to take my 13 year old daughter to the White House.

After this disappointing experience, I decided to look into Mr. Clay a little, do a little cost vs. benefit analysis, and see what it was, I was actually getting in return for his $174,000 salary.

The first thing of note is, Mr. Clay took over Missouri’s 1st District from his father, Bill Clay, who served as the district’s congressman from 1969-2001. That means for 41 years, St. Louis has been mindlessly pushing the Clay button at the polls.

Here is a map of Mr. Clay’s District. The population, according to the 2000 census is 621,690. The median income is $36,314. That data is 10 years old and the income number sounded low to me so I did a quick search for some more recent data. According to payscale.com, the annual income for the average American worker is $55,000. Below is a chart illustrating median salary by job for the city of St. Louis.

As you can see, average salaries range from about $33,000 to $90,000 (for the attorneys, of course). So, no matter how you slice it, Mr. Clay is earning multiple times the salaries of his constituents.

I wish I had realized in high school that becoming a Congressman would be one of the most lucrative jobs in America. I would have kept my nose a little cleaner.

Sadly, Mr. Clay’s salary isn’t the only cost to American tax payers. In addition to his office in Washington, Mr. Clay maintains two additional offices in St. Louis. Mr. Clay also sports a healthy staff that, according to legistorm.com, costs in excess of $1,000,000 a year. Final reporting for 4th quarter 2009 is not yet in, but as of the 3rd quarter, Mr. Clay spent $735,106 in staff salaries. In 2008, total staff salaries were, $1,085,050. For 2007, staff salaries were reported at $1,120,341. You would think for that kind of money, Mr. Clay could find somebody to transcribe voicemail and empty the voicemail box!

So there it is. The cost. Let’s now look at the benefit. The illustration below is a listing of Mr. Clay’s sponsored legislation.

So in the 9 years Mr. Clay has been a congressman, he hasn’t brought one thing to the table. Zero. Absolutely nothing. What a shock! Everything must be great in St. Louis, the man does nothing and runs unchallenged!

Well, it’s not exactly fair to say he does nothing. Mr. Clay has co-sponsored quite a few bills. Co-sponsoring a bill means basically, you sign your name to someone else’s paperwork. Let take a look at some of this important legislation. According to the Library of Congress, Mr. Clay as co-sponsored 271 House Bills. Obviously too many to list here, so let’s just look at a sampling.

H.CON.RES.14 : Supporting the goals and ideals of Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Week.
Sponsor: Rep Lee, Barbara [CA-9] (introduced 1/8/2009)      Cosponsors (115)
Committees: House Energy and Commerce; Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions
Latest Major Action: 3/6/2009 Referred to Senate committee. Status: Received in the Senate and referred to the Committee on Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions.

H.CON.RES.35 : Honoring and praising the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People on the occasion of its 100th anniversary.
Sponsor: Rep Green, Al [TX-9] (introduced 1/28/2009)      Cosponsors (109)
Committees: House Judiciary
Latest Major Action: 2/13/2009 Passed/agreed to in Senate. Status: Received in the Senate, considered, and agreed to without amendment and with a preamble by Unanimous Consent.

H.CON.RES.50 : Honoring and saluting Motown Records of Detroit, Michigan, on its 50th anniversary.
Sponsor: Rep Conyers, John, Jr. [MI-14] (introduced 2/12/2009)      Cosponsors (20)
Committees: House Oversight and Government Reform
Latest Major Action: 2/12/2009 Referred to House committee. Status: Referred to the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform.

H.CON.RES.128 : Expressing the sense of Congress that Africa is of significant strategic, political, economic, and humanitarian importance to the United States.
Sponsor: Rep Rush, Bobby L. [IL-1] (introduced 5/18/2009)      Cosponsors (34)
Committees: House Foreign Affairs
Latest Major Action: 5/18/2009 Referred to House committee. Status: Referred to the House Committee on Foreign Affairs.

Is there an Africa Missouri? I’ve heard of Mexico Missouri, and California Missouri, but Africa Missouri?

And my personal favorite…….

H.CON.RES.155 : Supporting the goals and ideals of “Complaint Free Wednesday”.
Sponsor: Rep Cleaver, Emanuel [MO-5] (introduced 6/17/2009)      Cosponsors (2)
Committees: House Oversight and Government Reform
Latest Major Action: 6/17/2009 Referred to House committee. Status: Referred to the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform.

I am quite sure, that “Complaint Free Wednesday” is a top priority for the people of Missouri’s 1st District.

H.CON.RES.215 : Supporting the goals and ideals of World AIDS Day, and for other purposes.
Sponsor: Rep Jackson-Lee, Sheila [TX-18] (introduced 11/19/2009)      Cosponsors (9)
Committees: House Energy and Commerce
Latest Major Action: 11/19/2009 Referred to House committee. Status: Referred to the House Committee on Energy and Commerce.

H.CON.RES.227 : Supporting the goals and ideals of National Urban Crimes Awareness Week.
Sponsor: Rep Towns, Edolphus [NY-10] (introduced 1/13/2010)      Cosponsors (12)
Committees: House Judiciary
Latest Major Action: 1/13/2010 Referred to House committee. Status: Referred to the House Committee on the Judiciary.

H.RES.16 : Supporting the goals and ideals of National Life Insurance Awareness Month.
Sponsor: Rep Biggert, Judy [IL-13] (introduced 1/6/2009)      Cosponsors (59)
Committees: House Oversight and Government Reform
Latest Major Action: 9/29/2009 Passed/agreed to in House. Status: On motion to suspend the rules and agree to the resolution Agreed to by the Yeas and Nays: (2/3 required): 394 – 1 (Roll no. 741).

Thank God for National Life Insurance Awareness Month! Which month is it anyway?

H.RES.31 : Expressing support for designation of January 28, 2009, as “National Data Privacy Day”.
Sponsor: Rep Price, David E. [NC-4] (introduced 1/7/2009)      Cosponsors (51)
Committees: House Energy and Commerce
Latest Major Action: 1/26/2009 Passed/agreed to in House. Status: On motion to suspend the rules and agree to the resolution Agreed to by the Yeas and Nays: (2/3 required): 402 – 0 (Roll no. 30).

Now that’s a big one! At least I can be sure 1 day a year my data is private.

H.RES.57 : Recognizing the persistently high rates of drowning fatalities among children.
Sponsor: Rep Sires, Albio [NJ-13] (introduced 1/13/2009)      Cosponsors (101)
Committees: House Energy and Commerce
Latest Major Action: 9/14/2009 Passed/agreed to in House. Status: On motion to suspend the rules and agree to the resolution, as amended Agreed to by voice vote.

Mr. Chairman! I would like to recognize the high rates of drowning children! Here, here! I agree! So recognized!

H.RES.83 : Recognizing the significance of Black History Month.
Sponsor: Rep Green, Al [TX-9] (introduced 1/23/2009)      Cosponsors (79)
Committees: House Oversight and Government Reform
Latest Major Action: 2/24/2009 Passed/agreed to in House. Status: On motion to suspend the rules and agree to the resolution Agreed to by the Yeas and Nays: (2/3 required): 420 – 0 (Roll no. 78).

Mr. Chairman! I would like to recognize the significance of Black History Month. Here, here! So recognized!

H.RES.95 : Supporting the goals and ideals of “National Girls and Women in Sports Day”.
Sponsor: Rep Sires, Albio [NJ-13] (introduced 1/27/2009)      Cosponsors (51)
Committees: House Oversight and Government Reform
Latest Major Action: 1/27/2009 Referred to House committee. Status: Referred to the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform.

Do we really have enough days, for all these days?

H.RES.110 : Congratulating the National Football League champion Pittsburgh Steelers for winning Super Bowl XLIII and becoming the most successful franchise in NFL history with their record 6th Super Bowl title.
Sponsor: Rep Doyle, Michael F. [PA-14] (introduced 2/3/2009)      Cosponsors (63)
Committees: House Oversight and Government Reform
Latest Major Action: 2/13/2009 Passed/agreed to in House. Status: On motion to suspend the rules and agree to the resolution Agreed to by voice vote.

Now this is important! Why worry about jobs, the economy, the war, or crime. Let’s talk football!

H.RES.133 : Honoring Barack Hussein Obama and the significance of his becoming the first African-American President of the United States.
Sponsor: Rep Johnson, Eddie Bernice [TX-30] (introduced 2/4/2009)      Cosponsors (37)
Committees: House Oversight and Government Reform
Latest Major Action: 2/4/2009 Referred to House committee. Status: Referred to the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform.

Pardon me while I clean up the puke from my keyboard.

On a side note, genetically, he’s not even half “African American.” The male is unable to contribute as many chromosomes to the final dna strand as the female. Barack Obama’s Mama was white. If Barack got everything his father had to offer (which is unlikely), at best, Barack Obama is only 43% “African American.” Personally, I think Bill Clinton is blacker.

Apparently Mr. Clay likes official days, weeks, months etc. I wonder if he has a calendar in his office with all these official occasions marked on it. Now lets see what’s on today’s calendar… Wow! Not only is it National Life Insurance Awareness Month, it’s Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Week, and Complaint Free Wednesday! Yahoo! Let’s take the day off!

The list goes on and on with this theme. A whole lot of warm, fuzzy, fluff and almost zero substance. This is an accurate sampling, but if you would like to check out the entire list, you can do so here.

So, for a conservative cost basis of $1.2 million dollars a year, multiplied by 9 years for a total cost of approximately $10.8 million dollars. I got, “Complaint Free Wednesday” or did I? Did it even pass? Whoops, nope, it’s been sent to committee.  Oh well, we can always hope.

So this is what my Congressman (and yours!) has been up to.

Finally, in conclusion, I am ashamed. I’m ashamed it took me wanting to see the White House for this to come to my attention. I’m ashamed I’ve lived in this district almost 30 years and for the past 9 years have allowed Mr. Clay to gorge the gravy train of American tax dollars unchecked. I’m ashamed for my entire district for behaving like mindless sheep.

As an adult, I have relied solely on my ability to vote as my primary political weapon. However it has become clear to me that isn’t enough! This has got to change. I intend to get a little more involved in Missouri’s 1st District. I’m going to make Mr. Clay a project,  a hobby, if you will.

I would encourage you to take a hard look at your Representative and get involved too.

Apparently, Apple’s new iPad product is going to be extremely popular with the ladies.

According to a story released this morning from Associated Press, Barack Obama and newly elected Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown are related. They are in fact, according to the New England Historic Genealogical Society, 10th cousins.

Apparently, Obama’s mama and Brown’s mother both descend from a Richard Singletary of Haverhill, Massachusetts, who died in 1687.

If this is true, I’d think it must be rather embarrassing for Mr. Brown. But, maybe not. After all, we’re talking about a man that posed nude in Cosmopolitan magazine.

Hey no problem dude! You look great! More power to you. If it ever comes up, I suggest you challenge Barack to a centerfold contest.

If this news wasn’t shocking enough, wait, there’s more!

The New England Historic Genealogical Society also claims Obama is related to no less than seven other presidents. That’s right, I said 7.

This must be incredibly awkward for everyone involved. Perhaps, more so for the dead rather than the living.

The Society claims Barack Obama is related to George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Gerald Ford, Lyndon Johnson, Harry S. Truman, and James Madison. Not to Mention, Brad Pitt.

I am not making this up! How could I? Here is a link to the article.

Genealogists Say Obama, Sen.-Elect Brown Related

I’m having a hard time swallowing this story. I might believe that Barack Obama is related to Idi Amin, but 7 US presidents? Give me a break, or better yet, get me a drink.

Barack Obama and George H.W. Bush are related… Gee Barack, better stop blaming your cousin.

Maybe you owe your cousin an apology for all those nasty things you said and continue to say or imply.

George Senior too? Of course!

Let’s head right up the proposed family tree and do a little fun comparison.

In these shots of Obama and George the 2nd, you can clearly see the similarities in the chin.

As compared with George W. Bush, one can clearly see the same distinguished forehead.

This relationship is most likely due to both families coming from a familiarity with cattle. This shape forehead typically represents centuries of cattle tipping. This condition can also arise from years of playing “Matador” without actually owning a bull.

One can clearly distinguish the simularities in the nose. Obvisouly developed ofter centuries of smelling cash and brown nosing.

Now let’s take a look at Obama and Jimmy Carter. The resemblance is uncanny!

Now this I can believe!

The eyes, the elbows, the mouth, the breasts!

They are identical!

This must be true! How can it not be? AP say’s it is true, so it must be true.

Jimmy and Barack, who’d of thought.

Free Peanuts for everyone!

Let them eat peanuts!

We now enter the Twilight Zone.

Lyndon B. Johnson and Barack Obama.

Let’s see here….

Yes, clearly these two men are related.

Even this young boy can  see that’s true.

He can tell by the feel of Obama’s hair.

“It feel’s greasy”.

Everyone knows Johnson’s hair was greasy. This fact cannot be ignored, they must be related.

Now we come to Obama and Truman.

This is a controversy.

The hair in both these pictures shows a clear relationship. It also shows clearly that Jack Benny is of no relation to either. I’m pretty sure he was Jewish.

Although a Democrat, it is well documented that Truman had a hefty set of testicles and was quite well hung.

Word on the street’s of Chicago is that Obama is also quite well endowed, however his testies are completely internal.

This discrepancy cannot be ignored.

Finally, we arrive at the most offensive descrepancy in the report.

Barack Obama and James Madison.

This must be a joke, and if true, can only be explained by an apparent trait in Obama’s family to mate with everything in sight.

This explains a lot when it comes to campaign finance.

I wonder what a whore cost back in Madison’s day.

I’m sorry, but I have a hard time believing any of this. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong, but I just don’t believe it.

Maybe it’s true. Maybe any black drunk from Africa can come over here, fuck a white woman, and produce a US President. A President that is also related to 7 other US Presidents.

Excuse me while I vomit.

This story is unbelievable. I’m sorry, I don’t buy any of it.

Finally, we have Brad Pitt. If you believe the New England Historic Genealogical Society, Barack and Brad are soul brothers. I’m sure Angie is very proud.

The resemblence is clear.

You got to be kidding. The spin is amazing. You, Barack, are amazing.

You can provide genealogy to 7 presidents, but not a birth certificate that is unquestioned by the people?

Does my story sound offensive and ridiculous? So does yours.