When I was a little boy, growing up in upstate New York, my best friend was a girl namd Susie Rush. Susie lived next door. Like most little girls, Susie had parents, their names were Mr. Rush and Mrs. Rush.
Down the street a little ways lived another friend, Danny Thiel. Danny, of course, had parents too, their names were Mr. and Mrs. Thiel.
Later in life, as a 10 year old in the city of Chicago, I had a good friend named Joshua Gerrick. Josh’s parents were Mr. and Mrs. Gerrick.
Still later, as a teenager in St. Louis, I had many friends, and their parents all had the same first name, Mr. or Mrs.
The parents of my little Brother’s best friend also became close friends to my parents. They were Mr. and Mrs. Young. Now, 30 years later, I still run into the Young’s from time to time, and their name hasn’t changed, it’s still Mr. or Mrs. Young.
A little over 20 years ago, I was just out of the Navy, and had been around the world. I certainly felt all grown up. Somehow I decided, I wasn’t going to address my Parents as Mom and Dad anymore. I was grown up now, so I was going to call them, Donna and Jim. My parents put up with it a few days, until one night at dinner, I wanted a little salt and I said, “Pass the salt, Jim.” I remember it like it was yesterday, my Mother had had enough. “I don’t like that!” she remarked, “it’s disrespectful!”
That was the end of that.
Almost 6 years ago, we moved back to my teenage neighborhood, Mom, lives down the street, Mr. and Mrs. Young just a little further. Mr. and Mrs. Lasker live just around the corner. My old Social Studies teacher lives a couple of blocks away, his name is Mr. Kopolow.
Shorty after moving, my oldest daughter began to make friends with the other kids in the neighborhood, but suddenly a new trend in names was beginning to appear. The 8 year old child next door was addressing me as Brian, not Mr. Kessel, just Brian. I thought this was pretty strange.
It wasn’t long before I noticed my 8 year old referring to her friends parents as Nancy and Mark, or Gerald, or Brad, etc., etc. Early on I made the comment at breakfast, “Bonnie, I don’t like you addressing these grownups by their first name. You should call them, Mr. Sophir or Mrs. Sophir.”
My Wife responded for my oldest Daughter in her defense, “Oh, it’s OK, all the Kids call them that, Nancy doesn’t mind.”
Now looking back on that moment, I can’t believe I didn’t come up with the old adage, “Well, if everyone is jumping off a cliff are you going to as well?” but I didn’t.
Now it’s just commonplace, Mr. and Mrs. don’t exist anymore. Mark and Nancy are just fine in my liberal, PC neighborhood where anything goes.
Last night, on the way to my oldest daughter’s soccer game, I heard her refer to her coaches as Brad and Gerald. She’s 14 now and it’s a casual first name world.
My daughter has one friend that I often have my doubts about, and yet, she stands alone. She is the only person I know that calls me Mr. Kessel, and I love her for it.
Courtesy and respect are the foundations of moral behavior. I think it’s a terrible mistake to teach children it’s OK to address adults by their first name.
I’m 44 now and about a year ago, I ran into my old Social Studies teacher, Mr. Kopolow. After greeting him he said to me “Call me Jeff.” I couldn’t do it.
“You’ll aways be Mr. Kopolow to me.”
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